Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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