Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
