i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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