I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
as a side note pls kill me
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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