Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
