I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
