i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
