Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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