That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
