I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize