if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
