You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize