After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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