hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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