The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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