I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
