Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
