i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
