xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
