I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
