if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
