My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
