I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize