It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
