Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I could fuck to npr.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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