your thong is hanging out like whoa
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
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