I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he thought i was a dude.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
