hell yes lets make some ravioli
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
