Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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