Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
They have beer where we have blood.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
All the doctor said was why
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
