Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize