just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
