Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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