your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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