As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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