just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
