Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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