We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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