What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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