Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
