Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
