She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
