Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Randomize
