i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
