her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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