Too much gin, very little bucket
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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