your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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