sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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