we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
