a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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