Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
