i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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