This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
