John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
