Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i out mim tonsoeep
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