I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize