Sry I called you an 8
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
