Plan B is the new Plan A
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
