im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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