If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
