your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
third nipple confirmed
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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