So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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