you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
