i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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