my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
