alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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