like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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