Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
