Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
