so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
