He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
