The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
