I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
