when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
