You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
