he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
