My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
