I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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