If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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