Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
