Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
