I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
