I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
