Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
