I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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