At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
