He had one of those small greek statue penises
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
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