Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
