You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
