She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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