I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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