Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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