Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
