You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
