You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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