she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
