my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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