I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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