I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
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