Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
