Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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