so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
