If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
