he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
