I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
