If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
