I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
