How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Randomize
