I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Buhtt sex?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
