Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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