Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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