Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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