come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
