he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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