I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
