And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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