Please, let me fuck your mom
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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