Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
