I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
