I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
